DIVORCED W/ CHILDREN

divorce with children

The worst part about a divorce is how it affects the children. The effects can sometimes be minimal but can be seen sometimes in their grades as they start to dip, their behavior as they become more rebellious, their lack of closeness, their lack of caring and their lack of a path forward due to the parents not sharing the same plan or principles on how to guide their child.

Sometimes tough love is what is needed sometimes a lending ear but how would one know what the other is doing or what is needed if you are not there all the time?

PRAISE v. SHAME

shaming

In the era of the shaming culture, pointing out perceived flaws in people to have them conform to your views is incredibly dangerous. I read some of the news articles where famous people are shamed for different things that they do, these things, all of which the shamer is being petty and nit picky and am sure has done much worse, are relatively silly funny things. As I read these articles, I start to wonder why people try and shame someone? Is it because they are so devoid of a real life that the only way they can be happy is to try and belittle someone else? Or is it that they want to feel superior to someone that they truly want to be like? It could be that they were shamed all their lives and now they have found a way to let their frustrations out. While ironic that my thoughts seem to shame the shamers, I am actually looking for the root cause. One thing is for sure, shaming is a movement that has taken hold and won’t be going away any time soon.

In the old days, and not when I was a kid as my son would like to say “the old days when you had to dodge the dinosaurs” but when this country was in its infancy (I wasn’t around then either), people would create a village by building one house at a time. Everyone would come together and help build their neighbors house, then they would help build another house until all the neighbors had a home. This constructive team building, a term I’m sure you heard in your job, was something people aspired to. Neighbor always had a positive connotation and meant something good.

Now, in the days of social media, where you can be somewhat anonymous and don’t have to confront a person that you disagree with, people become emboldened and say things that they would not normally say. I’m sure that this was not the intention of social media when it was thought of but it is what it has become.

Psychology has taken a turn to using shaming as a technique to try and bring people into conformity and to teach humility. I believe that to be an ineffective method to teach a lesson and should only be used as a last resort, if at all. Praise used to be the preferred method to bring people together and to show unity in common beliefs, but those methods don’t seem to be relevant anymore or are not talked about or highlited the way they used to be.

The problem with shaming is that once you are done with one person, you are looking for the next person to shame and it becomes an addiction to humiliation. That’s disgusting, you’re sick, what a weirdo… blah, blah, blah. This ongoing and downward spiraling method of trying to bury people under your feet instead of picking people up on your shoulders seems to be contagious.

It used to be that if you didn’t like what someone did you expressed disappointment in private, had a conversation eye to eye, voiced you opinion, listened to theirs and then decided to either break off communication with the person (what people now a days call ghosting) or you would say that it was not important enough to end a friendship or relationship and forgive and forget.

Praising always seemed like a better method of communicating. Telling someone what they did right or what you found impressive about them to fortify that train of thought seemed to have a better result that would lead to better communities. I’m not saying that you can’t express disappointment when warranted, this isn’t Pleasantville, people do do stuff wrong, what I am saying is that shaming should be used sparingly and only in private.

While I understand that shaming is a type of psychological warfare used on battlegrounds, trying to shame, lets say a political figure, a congressman or congresswoman who have their constituents, is worthless and only seems like bullying. The people that voted for them and the people that will have a voice in their election are the only people that should have a say in their political ideology and that say will come in their next election. This also goes for regular people, famous people, basically all people. What good do you get from shaming someone, absolutely none. You get more from praising their good actions, as they will most likely repeat them.

Now, if you make money from shaming someone, if people are paying you to shame a person or group of people, then I can see…… that you are hard up for cash and should find a better job. In the end… In the end it is my solemn belief that God will judge you for you actions and telling him that shaming got you that brand new TV set with the Ultra High resolution that was 72 inches is not going to go over very well or that new white SUV even though you already have two cars, probably won’t work either.

This article is in response to the person at the gym that believes that shaming is how to shape politics. It wasn’t a great conversation.

MARIJUANA ON THE BALLOT

‘somarijuana

In last weeks debate, Joe Biden says he would not make marijuana legal until further studies are done and he was met with criticism by Sen. Booker. I’m not sure that Sen. Booker’s criticism was appropriate (I’m not saying that Sen. Booker’s stance is wrong, I’m only opining it). Marijuana is a popular drug that most people see as harmless and should be legalized. I think that they couldn’t be more wrong. I think that marijuana, if legalized, would destroy the middle class and poor people. Cheeseburgers and pizza are harmless but yet we have the worst obesity problem of any nation, do you know why, because cheese is mildly addictive and acts on the same neuro-receptors as heroin. BRB, making a myself a cheese melt (I’m not).

Marijuana is much more addictive than cheese and the problem will be more exasperated by the fact that this country doesn’t run on Dunkin but on compulsion. All these ads on every single electronic device are meant to make you want. They flicker, they’re bright, they’re shiny, they grab your attention and they’re repetitive (that should be illegalized). There is a prevailing thought that people that get addicted are people that have weak minds, that is a myth. Addiction has no boundaries and while some people will try it once only and some might do it in their college years and not really inhale, others will become addicted even though they might have strong minds. Just because it didn’t affect you that way doesn’t mean that it won’t affect someone else in a more dangerous manner.

The other problem of note is playing in courts today. Juul is defending themselves against State Attorney Generals because they targeted minors in their adds and because they made flavored vapes that would appeal to minors. The States are contending that Juul acted irresponsibly, which they did, in my opinion.

Lets add another wrinkle to this, people have died from vaping, but not from vaping nicotine but marijuana. They vape the same two products with the same two external additives, the only difference was the nicotine and marijuana. The people that vaped the marijuana became really sick with some dying while the ones vaping nicotine, did not. The news has reported that vitamin E might have been the culprit but it is my belief that came at the urging of the marijuana lobbyists, that also is an opinion.

The fact is that marijuana is a money maker. Marijuana has produced large amounts of income and some people will overlook the side effects, if they can rationalize it, to rake in the income that comes with the legalization of marijuana. That’s sad and it’s also greedy. Marijuana addicts roughly 10 percent of the people that try it (and that’s a rough estimate given by the NIH, it could be higher because studies are limited, but it won’t be lower), legalizing the product would mean that up to 30 million people could use the product. That would mean that 3 million people could get addicted to the product. If we play Russian roulette with addiction, we can say that about 80 percent (2.4 million) of the people that would end up addicted would come from the middle to lower class (poor). That addiction would eventually lead to these people to lose their homes, jobs and their families would be irrevocably harmed, but its ok, because you made that extra revenue that you are now using to treat the problem. You can also honestly say that some, couldn’t give you a number, of those people only did the drug because you legalized it.

I say, keep marijuana illegal. Reduce the sentencing guidelines for the users and force them into rehab. Make the penalties for pushers stiffer and go after the cartels. If, in your heart of hearts, feel like that marijuana is safe and would boost the economy (it won’t) then have a designated place like an Amsterdam. Maybe make it legal just in Las Vegas, hell, almost everything else is, and split the proceeds with the 50 states equally. I think that would be the responsible thing to do.

In a good note, cigarette use is down to 278 billion cigarettes from a high of 631 billion in 1980. The difference was that politicians and activists started to say that cigarettes are deadly. They prohibited television ads for cigarettes and raised the age to buying cigarettes to… 21? …18? One of those and they also started school programs depicting the use of these products as extremely harmful. So what I say is, if you are going to legalize marijuana, at least you have the game plan to reduce the consumption to a couple of hundred billion blunts when it starts ruining our country.

Don’t choose money over morals, you’ll forever regret it.

Let me add that it won’t stop illegal sales of marijuana, it will increase it. That dime bag that costs $50 at the legal dispensary, will still only be a dime bag at the corner. You are going down the same path as cigarettes but with more profit for the illegal vendors and the cost of stopping the illegal distribution, which will also come from the legal dispensary back doors, will cost you more than you will profit. It is not a worth while endeavor, it seems that learning from past mistakes is not a thing that we do. Cigarettes are an anchor in our society that create more problems and costs than the tax can cover, why would you think that a more addictive substance would prove to be the answer to your problems. Your adding another element to a shit sandwich, BLT – blunts, lard and tobacco. Our healthcare system is already overridden with problems from the lard and tobacco, which produce cancer and heart problems, you now want to add a third element in order to fix it? Doesn’t that sound crazy?

More importantly, I told my son it’s not Ok to do that shit, and you’re telling him it is, so, stop it, stop it right now.

And this not a referendum on Sen. Booker’s decision, their are plenty of politicians on both sides that feel legalizing the “green gold”, “purple haze”, “pinner”, “pacman”, “Nixon”, “Maui Wowie” or “juana”, “maria”, “mota”, “yerba santa”, “queso verde” (I just made that last one, lets see if sticks) is an appropriate way to feed the tax man, it isn’t, again, in my opinion.

 

What To Do When Your Child Faces A Bully

Bully

My son used have problems with bullies, most children do, even the bully themselves sometimes have their own tormentors and that’s why they torment. I’m not here to talk about about the psychology of the bullies, I’m here to tell you how I handled the situation.

STEP 1

I gave my son guidelines on how to act in case of an attack by a bully. I told him to follow some common sense reasoning that would make sure that he would not get in trouble. I said if it gets to be too much, just walk away, laugh like it’s funny and walk away. If the bully gets frustrated and tries or does hit you, and it doesn’t leave you in fear for your safety, walk away and tell a teacher. If the bully wants to fight you and you tried to walk away and he has thrown multiple shots at you, then you must defend yourself.

STEP 2

I taught my son how to box and to do push ups, sit ups and planks. I bought him a heavy bag, gloves and used my old focus mitts and taught him the basics of boxing. To my surprise, he packed quite wallop with his right hand, so I taught how to strengthen his left hand and how to throw a left hook. I taught punches by numbers, 1 through 12, starting with a stiff jab to the nose or eye (#1) and ending with a bolo punch or modified uppercut to the midsection with that powerful right of his (#12). The funny thing is that boxing took to him like a fish takes to the water. He was a natural. He has good coordination, he now invents his own combinations, he can start with a jab and move to the right and hook downstairs and then hook upstairs with his left. What this did was take his mind of the bullying, he had to focus on what he was doing, and it instilled a confidence that only being good at a sport can do. The other funny thing is, he doesn’t like boxing. He likes computer games.

STEP 3

The name calling is what bothered him. So I started to call him fat (he isn’t, he’s actually really thin) and making fat jokes and started to throw yo mama jokes at him. He would laugh and he would hit me right back with the different fat and yo mama jokes. Now when he gets teased, he has an arsenal of yo mama and fat jokes to rely on and more importantly, it doesn’t bother him anymore. He laughs but he takes them as jokes, like if it was me and him playing the dirty dozens. He doesn’t get bullied hardly at all now, since he has his own jokes and I taught him how to laugh at himself and not to take things so seriously. This is Step 3 but in a line of defense against bullies, this is his step 1. This is his go to solution. But if things do get out of control, then I’m sure he will know to walk away and if things do become violent, I hope that his boxing kicks in. While I don’t want that, I would rather he be prepared for the worst and only experience the best than not be prepared at all.

The reason my son started to get bullied in the first place, only the “O”ld man knows…..

 

 

REUSABLE BAGS

reusable bagsReusable grocery bags are used so you don’t use plastic bags. Plastic bags don’t decompose and stay intact and are harmful to the planet. I just ordered 3 reusable bags and used them for the first time and couldn’t believe how convenient they were. I had them in my cart, placed all the stuff in them and went to my car. I guess you don’t even have to pay when you use them. I can’t understand why more people don’t get them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m just kidding, I paid and they were extremely convenient and comfortable.

Pro Choice?

LOL. I’m pro choice, not pro abortion. It’s funny that men are the ones that are yelling the loudest about giving birth yet anything we give birth to we have to flush down the toilet. The way I see it is, the aborted have a one way ticket to heaven, don’t have to meet Peter at the pearly gates, they have a free pass into heaven without having to be judged. They might actually be the lucky ones.