My Colombian girlfriend’s reaction after she introduces me to her family. Her mother and 3 sisters. She would later ask me who I thought was the prettiest. I didn’t like lying to her so I just asked bluntly, do I have to pick you?

I ended up telling her that I really couldn’t say because they looked so much alike they could be sisters. I got the same response. #Crazy chiquita banana.


statue of liberty

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

New Slogan:

Give me your rested, your rich, your singularly wealthy yearning to spend their money, the Gucci dressed of your affluent yacht ports. Send these, multi home owners, bathed in lavender to me, I lift my toll gates beside the golden door paid by them.

If you didn’t want people that were going to be on public assistance, just make it illegal to be on public assistance while you are on LAPR status, don’t make it illegal to be poor. It was called the American Dream for a reason. The hardest working people are the people that have to work. Who the hell is going to fight our wars and then get deported if everyone allowed in is rich? I would say that the brightest innovators come from modest means and become who they are out of necessity and drive, what you are doing is stifling the next Thomas Edison, Tesla, Steve Jobs. I think it’s a big mistake. No one that came to this country came because they were rich, they came because they saw an opportunity to be better. And whatever crystal ball (obviously it has to be crystal, if it were just glass it wouldn’t be allowed in) you have that can see if someone will be a burden in the future must also give you the powerball numbers, so maybe you can let me borrow it.?



rice and beans

My Colombian girlfriend, whose turn it was to go get breakfast, in an astonishing feat, used her menstrual cycle to have me get her breakfast. She started to moan and said that she was having cramps and laid her head down on the pillow. I asked if I could do anything for her and she said usually Motrin works and that she ran out. I told her that I would go get her some. She said she can’t take the the Motrin without food, it upsets her stomach. I asked her if she wanted some food, she simply nodded and muttered “mmhhmm”. I said the usual, she gave me the sad eyes and muttered “mmhhmm”. I went out got everything and came back. We sat down and ate and talked about worldly things like why dixie cups were so flimsy. Afterwards she started to kiss me and take my shirt off when I stopped her and asked “aren’t you on your period”….. she said no. I said you complained about cramps. She said “yeah, hunger cramps”. I asked why she needed the Motrin, she said ran out and that her period was due in a week. Her motto was you have to  think ahead, that she didn’t know if we would be together in a week. What did she mean by that?

#ATS (sort of)


shrek and fiona

My Colombian girlfriend wakes up and decides to give me a pet name, she says “go get breakfast Shrek”, I said “who”, she says “Shrek”. I tell her if I’m Shrek that makes you Fiona,  she says, in her Colombian accent “noooo”, I told her yeah, Shrek’s girlfriend was Fiona, so you’re Fiona. She says “When she’s a Princess”… I just look at her and tilt my head a little and said “ehhh”…. I got breakfast that whole week.