My Colombian girlfriend’s reaction after she introduces me to her family. Her mother and 3 sisters. She would later ask me who I thought was the prettiest. I didn’t like lying to her so I just asked bluntly, do I have to pick you?

I ended up telling her that I really couldn’t say because they looked so much alike they could be sisters. I got the same response. #Crazy chiquita banana.


statue of liberty

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!

New Slogan:

Give me your rested, your rich, your singularly wealthy yearning to spend their money, the Gucci dressed of your affluent yacht ports. Send these, multi home owners, bathed in lavender to me, I lift my toll gates beside the golden door paid by them.

If you didn’t want people that were going to be on public assistance, just make it illegal to be on public assistance while you are on LAPR status, don’t make it illegal to be poor. It was called the American Dream for a reason. The hardest working people are the people that have to work. Who the hell is going to fight our wars and then get deported if everyone allowed in is rich? I would say that the brightest innovators come from modest means and become who they are out of necessity and drive, what you are doing is stifling the next Thomas Edison, Tesla, Steve Jobs. I think it’s a big mistake. No one that came to this country came because they were rich, they came because they saw an opportunity to be better. And whatever crystal ball (obviously it has to be crystal, if it were just glass it wouldn’t be allowed in) you have that can see if someone will be a burden in the future must also give you the powerball numbers, so maybe you can let me borrow it.?



rice and beans

My Colombian girlfriend, whose turn it was to go get breakfast, in an astonishing feat, used her menstrual cycle to have me get her breakfast. She started to moan and said that she was having cramps and laid her head down on the pillow. I asked if I could do anything for her and she said usually Motrin works and that she ran out. I told her that I would go get her some. She said she can’t take the the Motrin without food, it upsets her stomach. I asked her if she wanted some food, she simply nodded and muttered “mmhhmm”. I said the usual, she gave me the sad eyes and muttered “mmhhmm”. I went out got everything and came back. We sat down and ate and talked about worldly things like why dixie cups were so flimsy. Afterwards she started to kiss me and take my shirt off when I stopped her and asked “aren’t you on your period”….. she said no. I said you complained about cramps. She said “yeah, hunger cramps”. I asked why she needed the Motrin, she said ran out and that her period was due in a week. Her motto was you have to  think ahead, that she didn’t know if we would be together in a week. What did she mean by that?

#ATS (sort of)


shrek and fiona

My Colombian girlfriend wakes up and decides to give me a pet name, she says “go get breakfast Shrek”, I said “who”, she says “Shrek”. I tell her if I’m Shrek that makes you Fiona,  she says, in her Colombian accent “noooo”, I told her yeah, Shrek’s girlfriend was Fiona, so you’re Fiona. She says “When she’s a Princess”… I just look at her and tilt my head a little and said “ehhh”…. I got breakfast that whole week.



hispanic church

After being negotiated into going to church, we attended mass in Spanish. The mass lasted a week, she says it was only an hour and a half but I felt like that as soon as I walked out I was walking back in again. On the way out the priest stopped me and asked me in Spanish if I enjoyed the sermon, I told him “si, era muy emocionante”. He asked me which part did I like the most about the sermon. I tried to think and I just looked at my Colombian girlfriend and asked her in English with a whisper, what was the sermon about? She said “dile que parte te gusto de el sermon?” I looked at the priest, starting to sweat and said “el parte de dios, no tanto de el demonio” He smiled at me and said, in English “good answer”. As we walked away I asked my Colombian girlfriend why was I the only one he asked that question to, she said because you were the only one snoring.

Another true story from my life. #ATS


27 year old

I went to a birthday party of a co-worker when I was 17. He was going bald and had a hard look. I asked him how old he was turning and he said 27. I just looked at him stunned because I thought he was much older and I said “27, how old were you before?” My other buddy started to laugh and the birthday guy looked at me and said “26”, I just said “oh yeah, that makes sense”. Still couldn’t believe it, he had to be 40 before.

Another true story from life.


divorce with children

The worst part about a divorce is how it affects the children. The effects can sometimes be minimal but can be seen sometimes in their grades as they start to dip, their behavior as they become more rebellious, their lack of closeness, their lack of caring and their lack of a path forward due to the parents not sharing the same plan or principles on how to guide their child.

Sometimes tough love is what is needed sometimes a lending ear but how would one know what the other is doing or what is needed if you are not there all the time?

DEMO DEBATE 01/14/2020

demo debate 01 14 2020

I’m going to make this real simple. In my opinion

Buttigieg and Steyer made the best arguments to be nominated.

Klobuchar had an off night but I think she had other things going on

Warren was good but attacked Sanders in a he said she said matter that should have never made the news

Sanders is the Godfather of the Democrats but was hindered by this he said she said business

Biden needs to keep focus, he isn’t stuttering, he is actually thinking ahead too much and conflating his answers.

Messages were all the same from the candidates with Buttigieg and Steyer seeming to resonate and be steady with their message

Still though a Klobuchar presidency would be interesting

Everyone saw that there was something missing at this debate. It was sort of boring. We all know what it is  …….         ….      Yang!

Whether we like it or not, it’s a television debate and your opponent knows how to work a camera, while boring is probably best for the head of the Executive branch, people watch to much reality TV and are drawn to the person that illuminates, like a shiny penny, so either get on your game or, as we say in the northeast, forgetaboutit…. So get energetic, take a 5 Hour shot before your debate, drink 5 or 6 red bulls, make us believe that you believe what you are saying because I literally fell asleep watching the debate

And for goodness sake, no petty sh….. stuff.