AnecdotE!

woman trying to wake man

I had a girlfriend and I would spend the night at her place, where she was renting a room. One day, where I was enjoying a good nights sleep, she happened to wake up first. She stayed there looking at me for a while, then she started to rub my back, then she started to kiss my neck, she then laid half her body on top of mine and started to rock back and forth, she then started to push on my back while laying on me. I had woken up when she started to rub my back but kept faking my sleep, she then tickled my side, she then started to kiss my lips and she then bit my lip and I got up and said “owww”. She just looked at me and said, “Are you awake?”

True Story

UFO videos are footage of real ‘unidentified’ objects, US Navy acknowledges (FOX News)

ufo

Some news sites are reporting that the Pentagon has said that UFOs are real but that they are not necessarily from outer space. That the objects are going hypersonic speeds and aren’t leaving a contrail or any heat signatures, no combustible engine. You know what that means, it means that they are green. Aliens are green and use sources other than fossil fuels. They’re all about saving the environment. ET is a tree hugger. He is all in for greenpeace. It can’t be nuclear, no heat signature, the only thing that makes sense is some type of cold fusion that uses water and since we are 75% water, that may be why the aliens like our planet. If that’s true, (it really probably isn’t) they can be the ones melting our polar ice caps (that’s absolutely not true) to have more fuel because they are probably like us, they depleted their fuel source, water, and are looking at our planet (this is all bullshit, don’t want people thinking I’m crazy) before they invade, from Mexico, dressed like Hispanics. Thank God we have a wall to stop those super fast flying UFOs that defy the laws of physics or we may be in trouble.

I will say though, a space force, does  make a little more sense given this report, I just want Aquaman in charge of it (Again, I’m fucking with you, Wonder Woman makes way more sense, her jet is freaking invisible).

What it looks like is a bee stuck inside the plane’s tracking system  so when it goes two feet it looks like it’s traveling  hypersonic and two thousand feet. Stops and goes up. They think they have aliens and the bee is just thinking, how the fuck do I get out of here. Here’s another question, was the pilot flying a solo mission or did he/she have a wing man? Did their wing man also happen to capture a picture of this UFO?

AnecDOTe!

zombie

Some lady just yells at me, I hope you die. How sweet, me too, who the fuck wants to be a zombie. Don’t know if that’s what she meant. People are so caring.

What To Do When Your Child Faces A Bully

Bully

My son used have problems with bullies, most children do, even the bully themselves sometimes have their own tormentors and that’s why they torment. I’m not here to talk about about the psychology of the bullies, I’m here to tell you how I handled the situation.

STEP 1

I gave my son guidelines on how to act in case of an attack by a bully. I told him to follow some common sense reasoning that would make sure that he would not get in trouble. I said if it gets to be too much, just walk away, laugh like it’s funny and walk away. If the bully gets frustrated and tries or does hit you, and it doesn’t leave you in fear for your safety, walk away and tell a teacher. If the bully wants to fight you and you tried to walk away and he has thrown multiple shots at you, then you must defend yourself.

STEP 2

I taught my son how to box and to do push ups, sit ups and planks. I bought him a heavy bag, gloves and used my old focus mitts and taught him the basics of boxing. To my surprise, he packed quite wallop with his right hand, so I taught how to strengthen his left hand and how to throw a left hook. I taught punches by numbers, 1 through 12, starting with a stiff jab to the nose or eye (#1) and ending with a bolo punch or modified uppercut to the midsection with that powerful right of his (#12). The funny thing is that boxing took to him like a fish takes to the water. He was a natural. He has good coordination, he now invents his own combinations, he can start with a jab and move to the right and hook downstairs and then hook upstairs with his left. What this did was take his mind of the bullying, he had to focus on what he was doing, and it instilled a confidence that only being good at a sport can do. The other funny thing is, he doesn’t like boxing. He likes computer games.

STEP 3

The name calling is what bothered him. So I started to call him fat (he isn’t, he’s actually really thin) and making fat jokes and started to throw yo mama jokes at him. He would laugh and he would hit me right back with the different fat and yo mama jokes. Now when he gets teased, he has an arsenal of yo mama and fat jokes to rely on and more importantly, it doesn’t bother him anymore. He laughs but he takes them as jokes, like if it was me and him playing the dirty dozens. He doesn’t get bullied hardly at all now, since he has his own jokes and I taught him how to laugh at himself and not to take things so seriously. This is Step 3 but in a line of defense against bullies, this is his step 1. This is his go to solution. But if things do get out of control, then I’m sure he will know to walk away and if things do become violent, I hope that his boxing kicks in. While I don’t want that, I would rather he be prepared for the worst and only experience the best than not be prepared at all.

The reason my son started to get bullied in the first place, only the “O”ld man knows…..