Sometimes this can cure what ails you. Take a long look, it just might be your next home.

Letting the waves of the storm take you down isn’t an option.

You ever woke up in the morning and wondered wtf was last night about. That’s when tylenol and Folders become your best friend.

I got a phone call and the person told me that “after this is over, I’m going to murder you” and the next day I got another one and the person said “I’m going to kill you”. I’m pissed off, how can I plan my day if I haven’t a clue if their either going to murder me or kill me, make up your mind Mr. Homicidal maniac. Geesh, now which shoes am I suppose to wear?

I was in court and this guy is seated next to me in handcuffs. The guy asks me what I did and I said that I accidentally ran over a pet that ran out into the street. He said man, that’s awful, then asked me if I was ashamed, I asked him what he was here for and he said that he was convicted of rape, child molesting and murder. I then said, am I ashamed in front of you, No.

You can’t feel the heat from a match next to a towering inferno.

I asked Alexa to tell me a joke, she responded “do you have a mirror” and then shut down.

There is a zero-tolerance in this country for stupidity and illegal immigration. I’m fucked with both.