Category: Anecdotes

Aaaaaaaaanecdote!

What do people do when they marry a person that legally changed their full name to a single name? Do they they just drop their last name? Do they hyphenate with a blank in the middle? Do they get to choose a number for a last name like 7? Do they use the other person’s first name as their last name?

alpha november ECHO charlie delta oscar tango ECHO

I’m a product of an inner city school system but tried my best to reach average intelligence, most say you almost did it, so it should be of no surprise when I was an art gallery and I didn’t understand the motif of the art and it looked like a person with a blindfold threw up on the canvas that someone called me a Philistine…… I looked around and said “No, I’m Hispanic, maybe that guy, he looks middle eastern”.

Didn’t find out later that it was an insult. I stand by my criticism, it was called the vomit artist or Jackson Pollock, one of the two. I didn’t understand it, but I’ve seen it before, when my son decided that coloring inside the lines was for losers.

anecdotE

I told my sister that I had the ability to see the future. She said really, tell me something. I told her that a week from now, it will be Monday again. That led to her revelation that I was the hispanic Nostradamus…. Nuestrodumbass.

aNECKdote

I have been receiving many suggestions as to what I should do next, most of them concern my untimely demise by self actualization. I decided to chronicle these suggestions in what I am going to call my kick the bucket list:

  1. Hang yourself (an oldy but a goody)
  2. Shoot yourself (really messy for my beneficiaries to then clean up)
  3. Eat rat poison (lol, painful)
  4. Drink a bleach cocktail (Didn’t know how much vermouth to add so I decided against it)
  5. Jump off of my roof (I live in a ranch style home with 9 foot ceilings, probably only sprain an ankle)
  6. Shove my head up my ass and die (if it were possible, that would be a shitty way to die, the smell alone would make me vomit)
  7. slit my wrists (again the clean up afterwards)
  8. Head on collision with a dump truck (traffic would be a mess)
  9. One kind hearted person suggested that I just die of old age, then added or you can drown yourself, whichever I prefer.

People are great….

Anecdote – a short account of a particular incident or event, especially of an interesting or amusing nature. Some might find this one a little offensive and I completely apologize because that is not the intention.

The case of the worst cereal killer has been solved. After a few misteps we finally fingered the suspect and affected an arrest. Our first suspect proved to be false rumors as Count Chocula was blamed by Reese’s Puffs. But then BLM stepped in and accused the investigators of profiling, just to later find out that Reese’s just wanted to have bigger part of the market. Froot Loops came up but the LGBTQIAtoZ community, (I have no idea what half those initials mean but there is no S), was ready and quickly shut that down. We started to look at Lucky Charms and where did he exactly get that pot of gold but oddly enough strippers and sex workers rallied around the green man and his prodigious…… pot of gold. Frankenberry was sought after he disappeared but a lot like Republicans that refuse to vaccinate, he is no longer in production and has died off. Cap’n Crunch became of particular interest only to find out he was out to sea with Froot Loops, we didn’t inquire any further. Toops Dulce de Leche was probed but the timeline didn’t work because he was deported after serving 3 tours in Afghanistan for trying to get some free Lucky Charms and being charged for shoplifting and couldn’t have done it. Honeycomb and Honey Nut Cheerios were looked at but we found out that they were testifying in congress that day about the destruction of honey trees, to which Democrats dressed up in lumber jack suits and started to do a traditional buzz dance and gave 50 billion dollars to save those trees, just to later find out that there is no such thing as a honey tree. Honeycomb and Honey Nut spent all that money on the Lucky Charms workers who later complained about their little pricks… of their stingers. In the end it was Tony the Tiger who did it and when asked why he did it, he stated “I’m a fucking Tiger”.

Again I apologize if anyone was offended and if you leave a comment about why I will rectify the situation immediately by blocking you from my site. Sorry.