They have this new thing where you call and an AI girlfriend answers. I thought this has to be a joke, so I try it.

The phone rings and an AI answers and sounds life like.

She says “Hi sweetie”

I say “what did you do with the remote”

She responds “you barely look at me anymore, all your interested in is your stupid fights” and she hangs up.

AI has really come a long way….. but it still can’t find the remote.

I think there is a disconnect between the previous generation and the new tik tok generation. I was watching an interaction between a 55 year old man and 28 year old man that turned violent, next thing I know the old man is punching the younger man and tells him that that he needs to get the hell out of Dodge. The younger man, trying to cover up, says he doesn’t have a Dodge, he drives a Toyota, the old man then looks at him and starts to punch harder and says it figures, a rice burner, the younger man looking even more confounded and curling up into a ball, says no, I don’t do rice, I’m on a Keto diet. The old man continues and tells the guy that he is barking up the wrong tree, the younger guy yells, I own a cat. The old man then yells, I’m going to put you in a pine overcoat, the younger guy, trying to run away, responds, I prefer hoodies.

I had a conversation with this smart lady and she gave some good advice

She said “When you have negative people in your life you need to excise them out of your life”…

She seemed baffled by my answer. I told her “yeah, but I don’t feel like going to the gym right now”

Can you spot the mistake????

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The W is inverted

I joined the military back in 1990. I scored a 99 on my ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery exam), which meant I had my pick of any job I wanted except for one hiccup, I was a LAPR (this is going to be filled with anagrams, no, that’s not right, acronyms, Lawful Alien Permanent Resident). After telling me that I was assigned as an AFSC 5R0X1 (AFSC refers to the Air Force Specialty Code, in the Army it’s called an MOS) I said, what’s an 5R0X1 to which they said “congratulations, you’re a Chaplain’s Assistant”. I immediately worked out in my head that this would definitely be a damper on my social life, especially having to work on Sunday mornings, so I requested a change in specialty. They send me to the AFSC office and they immediately looked at my scores and said, you scored really well, what do you want to be… I said “I want to be a Fire Protection Specialist”. They said because I was a LAPR, look above, that I didn’t qualify. They told me that I could be a file clerk with the medical group or a cop, Security Forces. My first year at my permanent duty station, I was tasked with protecting and standing guard over Air Force One while the President was visiting Ohio. They told me that, because I wasn’t a citizen, I couldn’t put out fires but I could protect the most important Air Plane in this country. Maybe they figured I had experience on how people breach barriers and/or borders.

This is not a criticism of the Air Force, they have the best specialty training of all the armed forces. This is just how funny bureaucracy can be. The reason I wanted to be a Fire Specialist isn’t all that admirable, I heard that they had the most time off and got to work out a lot. I would have gotten to go and finish my college degree and gotten paid to stay fit. What can I say, I was young and the product of inner city schools. Didn’t really have any direction at the time.

I understand how that statement above reads and you’re going to get a lot of people with opinions. LAPR’s, please refer to above mentioned explanation, probably would have been quicker just to write it again, are mostly people too, I heard some are part donkey, but you are going to have some unscrupulous people opine that I shouldn’t have been allowed to guard the President’s plane, even though I was guarding numerous F-15’s, guarding entry to the base and was trained to protect the airbase from attack. LAPR’s do multiple tour’s of duty and died in combat for this country in every war this country has participated in. My point was LAPR’s should be allowed to stomp out fires or guard the base, but I understand not sharing classified information, but those AFSC’s don’t require a TS clearance, even though, if you check, the biggest espionage cases against this country has ever faced have all been committed by natural born citizens and not by naturalized citizens.

How many people think the Government should be more like Wikipedia…. Ask for donations based on the quality of their work instead of threatening jail time regardless if they do their jobs or not.

My guess is that they would be broke right now.

I know how to save Titter, tweet from the moon. Send a manned SpaceX ship to the moon and tweet. But first, you need to have the moon verify with a blue check mark and pay $8. We don’t want a fake moon landing like the last one. LOL. This anecdote is completely satirical as I don’t want my Tesla to self drive off a bridge, when I buy a Tesla. (And I do believe the first moon landing was real but that wouldn’t have been funny)

Ever notice that your just a dumbass for spending $50 (or more) on lottery tickets and not guessing a single number right but you’re freaking Albert Einstein if you get all the numbers right. You didn’t do anything different you just got the birthdates right. I don’t know who was born on the 69th but I’m sure someone was. FYI… I’m a dumbass.

I don’t get it. There’s something amiss here. You have people that cheated on their GED’s in Congress dictating the feasibility of funding programs with a multi-trillion dollar budget but when I apply for Head Administrator of NASA, they come up with minimal qualifications and necessary pertinent education.

What they’re saying is, the people in charge of funding NASA, who think ALOE is something you apply to a sunburn, financially speaking, don’t have to have a minimal qualification level or pass a mandatory financial literacy exam, but I have to be qualified for a job that is governed by them?

This is bullshit, I’ll never become Emperor of Mars with these silly ass rules. I’m calling my congressman, hopefully he realizes it’s the phone ringing this time and doesn’t think demons are making his pants vibrate.

In all seriousness, I just want the people running the country to be smarter than the wall their talking to, is that too much to ask.

(not applicable to all lawmakers)

How not to get a job:

Ever had your parents fix up an interview for you in a job that you just didn’t want, follow these steps:

Interviewer: Your resume says that you don’t have much experience

You: It talks to you too. It told me to park my car in the lobby, but I told it nahhhh. I’ll wait until I get hired to claim that spot.

(This anecdote is for humor purposes only, my resume doesn’t talk to me, it just reminds me how pathetic I am, so I refuse to talk to it (hahahah Joke)).