I would take my girlfriend to hotels on days off. I used to travel for work and only be home maybe two or three days of the week and then had my two days and I loved to get away with her. So we would stay at hotels in NY or Florida or wherever we wanted to travel. We would relax and get massages, mess around and just enjoy not having to worry about be neat or waking up anyone. She loved ordering room service for breakfast and watching an on demand movie while sitting in front of me and laying back on my chest. When we got home and I stayed over her house she would send me to get breakfast, I would tell her I just paid for our weekend. She said but I got breakfast, I told her you ordered room service. She would reply, that’s right, “I” ordered it for both of us, now it’s your turn. Can’t argue with that logic, wouldn’t win even if I tried.

I woke up one day at my girlfriend’s house. I put on my shorts and started to reach for my t-shirt when my girlfriend leaped and snatched it away. I just looked at her and asked what are you doing, I needed to use the bathroom and I didn’t want to walk out bare chested with her roommates out and about. She said that she liked the way I smelled and put on my t-shirt. I asked what I was suppose to wear and she reached into her drawer chest and pulled out one of my t-shirts but washed and clean. I  just looked at her and asked where did you get these, she said I take them when I sleep over. I just peeked into the drawer and she said what are you looking at, I told her I was missing socks, she said they feel good. I just stared at her and she said what, it’s your fault, smell worse. So, gentlemen, we’re not crazy, the dryer and laundry doesn’t eat out clothes, seemingly, our girlfriends do. She then made me go get breakfast, why not, I was the one with the clean shirt on..

I spent the night at my girlfriends house, really just a room she was renting from a friend, and she woke up first. She asked me to go get breakfast and I told her that I was tired. She rattled off a litany of spanish words, pretty much asking who was the man in the relationship in the longest possible way and I told her that we would make a deal, the first person to get out of bed goes get breakfast and the other pays. She said alright and sat up on the bed staring at me, I looked at her and pushed her off the bed and told her my wallet is over there and repositioned myself to the middle of the bed with my arms spread out and a silly little grin on my face, (after I looked to make sure she was alright). Then what you are viewing happens. She rose up, sat on the bed, pushed me with her feet, on my face, stomach, hips (I covered my nuts) legs until she pushed me off, me hitting my noggin and then she said your wallet is over there (after looking to make sure I was alright). I guess it was my turn to get breakfast.

 

I got a call last night and the person started the conversation “you belligerent little shit”… after a few minutes I found out that he was actually talking to someone else prior and had made the mistake of dialing the wrong number. I guess we all sound alike. LOL. I was not all to happy because I missed the conversation that made this person go off like that. It must have been a doozy. I was kinda hoping he would have told me what they said.

I was walking with my girlfriend outside a Kroger near Wright Patt AFB in Ohio. Me and my girlfriend, who was African American, were talking when an older white lady, and when I say older, she was about 40, I was 23, walked by with abs that you could throw a quarter at. If after throwing a quarter at her abs you didn’t get two 12.5 cent pieces, the quarter would have definitely bounced off like it was hitting a brick wall. Now, me being naive and noticing this lady as she walked by and smiled, I just said to my girlfriend “did you see that lady’s abs”? She turned and smacked the cheez wiz taste out of my mouth, grabbed the keys, jumped in the car and took off. I had to walk 5 miles back to the house where she said “I’m sorry” and I just looked and said “aha”. Lesson learned, if you going to look at a woman’s amazing abs as she walks by, make sure you can point out what’s behind her so you can tell your girlfriend, I think we need to buy some Kroger brick wall.

As I got older I never understood this fascination with six pack abs. I had friends show off and women asking me how to get them? I’d  say I don’t know, never had them, but I had twinkies, they’re good. I have a flat stomach, when I lay down. My abs are ripped, all along the wrinkles.

Dating a person with a unisex name can be awkward. When you tell your friends about her they get this funny look on their face… Jo was an amazing person, I’m sorry, don’t mean to confuse you, Jo(sephine) was an amazing person. I married a Cat(alina) who was…. well… wow!!! Dated a T(ara) J(oi) that was funny and a little jealous. Cris(tina) used to have a crush on me, sort of. I guess all the others were gender specific, Janina, Latrice, Brenda, Kimberly, Sylvia, Sydel. Never dated a Pat(ricia) or a Sam(antha). Had a crush on another Jo(anna) but she came around the same time as wow and Sydel was her best friend….

When you ask the cookie monster to guard the cookies, don’t be surprised by the outcome. Not only is he going to cookie jail but also the guy that put him in charge. How could you not know, he’s a freaking cookie monster.