I joined the military back in 1990. I scored a 99 on my ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery exam), which meant I had my pick of any job I wanted except for one hiccup, I was a LAPR (this is going to be filled with anagrams, no, that’s not right, acronyms, Lawful Alien Permanent Resident). After telling me that I was assigned as an AFSC 5R0X1 (AFSC refers to the Air Force Specialty Code, in the Army it’s called an MOS) I said, what’s an 5R0X1 to which they said “congratulations, you’re a Chaplain’s Assistant”. I immediately worked out in my head that this would definitely be a damper on my social life, especially having to work on Sunday mornings, so I requested a change in specialty. They send me to the AFSC office and they immediately looked at my scores and said, you scored really well, what do you want to be… I said “I want to be a Fire Protection Specialist”. They said because I was a LAPR, look above, that I didn’t qualify. They told me that I could be a file clerk with the medical group or a cop, Security Forces. My first year at my permanent duty station, I was tasked with protecting and standing guard over Air Force One while the President was visiting Ohio. They told me that, because I wasn’t a citizen, I couldn’t put out fires but I could protect the most important Air Plane in this country. Maybe they figured I had experience on how people breach barriers and/or borders.

This is not a criticism of the Air Force, they have the best specialty training of all the armed forces. This is just how funny bureaucracy can be. The reason I wanted to be a Fire Specialist isn’t all that admirable, I heard that they had the most time off and got to work out a lot. I would have gotten to go and finish my college degree and gotten paid to stay fit. What can I say, I was young and the product of inner city schools. Didn’t really have any direction at the time.

I understand how that statement above reads and you’re going to get a lot of people with opinions. LAPR’s, please refer to above mentioned explanation, probably been quicker just to write it again, are mostly people too, I heard some are part donkey, but you are going to have people think that I shouldn’t have been able to guard the President’s plane, even though I was guarding numerous F-15’s, guarding entry to the base and trained to protect the airbase from attack. LAPR’s go do multiple tour’s of duty and die in combat. My point was LAPR’s should be allowed to stamp out fires or guard the base but I understand not sharing classified information, but those AFSC’s don’t require a TS clearance, even though, if you check, the biggest espionage cases have all been by natural born citizens and not by naturalized citizens.


I know how to save Titter, tweet from the moon. Send a manned SpaceX ship to the moon and tweet. But first, you need to have the moon verify with a blue check mark and pay $8. We don’t want a fake moon landing like the last one. LOL. This anecdote is completely satirical as I don’t want my Tesla to self drive off a bridge, when I buy a Tesla. (And I do believe the first moon landing was real but that wouldn’t have been funny)


Ever notice that your just a dumbass for spending $50 (or more) on lottery tickets and not guessing a single number right but you’re freaking Albert Einstein if you get all the numbers right. You didn’t do anything different you just got the birthdates right. I don’t know who was born on the 69th but I’m sure someone was. FYI… I’m a dumbass.


I don’t get it. There’s something amiss here. You have people that cheated on their GED’s in Congress dictating the feasibility of funding programs with a multi-trillion dollar budget but when I apply for Head Administrator of NASA, they come up with minimal qualifications and necessary pertinent education.

What they’re saying is, the people in charge of funding NASA, who think ALOE is something you apply to a sunburn, financially speaking, don’t have to have a minimal qualification level or pass a mandatory financial literacy exam, but I have to be qualified for a job that is governed by them?

This is bullshit, I’ll never become Emperor of Mars with these silly ass rules. I’m calling my congressman, hopefully he realizes it’s the phone ringing this time and doesn’t think demons are making his pants vibrate.

In all seriousness, I just want the people running the country to be smarter than the wall their talking to, is that too much to ask.

(not applicable to all lawmakers)


How not to get a job:

Ever had your parents fix up an interview for you in a job that you just didn’t want, follow these steps:

Interviewer: Your resume says that you don’t have much experience

You: It talks to you too. It told me to park my car in the lobby, but I told it nahhhh. I’ll wait until I get hired to claim that spot.

(This anecdote is for humor purposes only, my resume doesn’t talk to me, it just reminds me how pathetic I am, so I refuse to talk to it (hahahah Joke)).


In a story by some scientific newspaper outlet media internet post thingamajig, a reputable entity, they have said that the new James Webb is throwing the Big Bang theory into disarray due to information that doesn’t compute with the rational basis for the theory to be upheld. They are discovering that in galaxies far far far away… there isn’t the disorder that they expected and they couldn’t locate a chewbacca. The reasoning for this is because the Hubble Telescope could not accurately report older colder galaxies like the James Webb Telescope could and would only zero in on the younger hot ones. The prevailing theory is that the James Webb was made by men and women while the Hubble telescope had only men building it, which then stands to reason that Hubble would ignore the older colder stars and just stare at the younger hot ones.


Anyone ever get worried when watching some of these people on TV and they start with “Truth be told” or something similar, like they would need a epi-pen near them or they would go into anaphylactic shock when they say the word truth….


The definition of financial literacy – The more money you have the better your lawyer can interpret the constitution.

Example – Wall street lawyers negotiate golden parachutes while on TARP even though they almost sunk the whole economy

The homeless guy gets 10 days for vagrancy (after he had to default on his home due to wall street) because his lawyer…. what lawyer???

A neck and a dote …. anecdote

I think new realities need new greeting cards, you have to be an entrepreneur ….

Well, there goes my Happy Abortion cards idea. Thanks a ton Supreme Court.

My other card idea didn’t quite pan out either, for agnostics, Happy Faithless Day. Thought I would have made a tithey amount on that one, it’s pretty much every day.

I’m thinking my new one might work, a condolence card… Sorry to hear about the mass shooting… I might make a killing on that one. That seems to be pretty much everyday as well….

If not, I have other ideas… climate change… I hear it’s hot where you’re at… that should be a scorcher

homeless… wanted to send this card but didn’t have an address for you

poverty…. Thought of you in this occasion.. (with a picture of an empty plate and an I.O.U. attached, postage due, of course)

inflation…. Wanted to wish you a happy birthay, happy graduation, happy wedding, happy anniversary, merry christmas, happy new year and sorry to hear that you passed… all in one card