Let me start by saying that Mary Jane is not an illegal alien or a prostitute. A lot of people in this era might not know that Mary Jane actually refers to or is a pseudonym for cannabis or, best known as, marijuana. The popular narcotic goes by several noms de plume like bammer, bubonic chronic, endo, giggle stick and hydro. I used to know it by weed, blunts, chiba (pronouced cheeba), cheeba, grass, roach and the wacky tobaccy.

In an article in Vox.com written by German Lopez titled “Marijuana Legalization is Already Making Mexican Drug Cartels Poorer”, that is some title, I guess you really don’t need an article with a title that long, it pretty much states everything, nevertheless German gives reasons for legalization. German, I’m just guessing by reading the article, is a fan of the ganja. German doesn’t specifically state this in his story so it’s just an educated guess on my part.

German advocates the legalization of BC bud by pointing out that it has reduced the amount of the cartel’s drug export revenue as much as 30% according to the estimates of the Mexican Institute of Competitiveness, I can write the word but I can barely say it, competitiveness. I’m guessing the institute measures the competitiveness of the drug cartels against

each other? I can’t see that any estimate for an illegal activity can be accurately measured unless it has hard results, like death. Now, if you died every time you smoked a joint, then we can count the bodies. But since most people laugh or eat cheeseburgers when they smoke bud, we would have to measure the amount of laughter that we normally hear to the excess laughter and then ask McDonalds to show us if their was an uptick in cheeseburger consumption. In other words, it’s impossible to know. Basically, this is an estimate that can be off by as much as 30%. There is no way of really telling if the legalization of medical marijuana has even put a dent in the drug trade. I could go ask Chapo Guzman “how’s business” but being that he is currently on the lam, he would most likely refuse to answer, politely anyway. I imagine it would be a more “meet my little friend” kind of encounter.

In his article German also argues the point that legalization is also

reducing drug cartel’s power around the world. The reasoning behind that statement is if there is no demand then there is no money for the supply, then there is no supply. That’s economics 101 at the school for the way less gifted. Cutting Mexican dirt weed by 30%, if true, wouldn’t have the hard core consequences necessary to stop the trade and what will happen is they will come up with a form of marijuana, maybe laced with other more addicting additives that the legalization effort will not be able to mimic and get the youth of today and the bum of tomorrow hooked. The people in charge of these cartels might be hardened criminals without morals or enough intelligence to operate a remote control, just kidding mister cartel leader murderer sir, but they have more money then they declared on

their taxes and use it to hire those people that know how to tweek kush so it will be KUSH or kush 2.0.

There’s other reasons why legalization, not medical which is already in place, but full blown legalization would not work. Money. Legal combustible herbage would be taxed at a rate similar to tobacco products because they have to make enough to offset the upcoming wave of medical problems. Unlike tobacco products, which should also be outlawed, not my cuban cigars but the other stuff, 420 ( a real pseudonym for cannabis) has hallucinogenic affects and mind altering ability due to the THC, tetrahydrocannabinol, (say that three times fast, I can’t even say it one time right), compound found in crippy. This will lead to more DWI’s and loud noise complaints about people laughing uncontrollably. It will though create a stock market increase in businesses such as Taco Bell and Burger King who will see their stocks rise due to a phenomenon called the munchies, a real thing, or at least that’s what I’ve been told. Look for Warren Buffet to do a hostile takeover of Wendy’s if this law passes. Other businesses that will boom will be Law Enforcement and hospitals. More manpower will be needed for both industries. Another added tax for reefer.

According to drugabuse.gov, the prolonged use of herbal refreshment will decrease your IQ by a whopping, get it like whopper, 8 points, so if you were already borderline, man, you just crossed over to stupid in a couple of puffs. Other areas of trouble are are breathing problems, tachycardia with an increased risk of a heart attack, and like any other inhaled substances, the fetal problems if you decide to get high while pregnant. Other problems from prolonged use of hooter are temporary hallucinations

(which might be cool if your not in a penthouse), temporary paranoia (which is really only cool in other people) and if you are already suffering from a mental disease, like crazy, because then you are  going to be CRAZY or crazy 2.0.  It will make your depression depressed (mainly because you ran out of munchies), give you anxiety and suicidal ideations. Most of these last symptoms in teens, probably because they ran out of munchies. It also makes you lazy, see better, as it helps glaucoma while being lazy, and 9% of the population will get addicted. Might Mez is also considered a gateway drug according to the National Institute of Health, a government website. For more information on how that is please click on the link attached but come back and finish reading my article. As my grandmother would say to my uncle “you lazy good for nothing moron”. Just to clear things up, while lazy and moron have been established with the use of chronic, good for nothing is just a theory, except with these two ladies pictured.

The decision to make fatty boom blatty fully legal is not mine to make, solely. These decisions are left up to your State, who then put the proposal on a ballot and call it something cool like proposition 19.  Who wouldn’t vote for proposition 19? The people that lobby for the proposition usually have some kind of risk reward factor. They are probably the company who will build those fancy new buildings that house the hog leg or the farms that grow it. Like all businesses that once were illegal and then became legal, those parent companies probably had something to do with the illegal portion of it before. Just ask the Kennedys, whose rumored beginnings as bootleggers led to John being President of the United States. Ultimately, though, after a bombardment of ads and famous people endorsing the thai stick, you have to make the decision for the future of your children. And if it passes, full blown legalization, I can’t wait to tell my son about the place next door that sells sticky icky icky like cigarettes from a vending machine. To be fair, I never tried pakaloco, or any illegal narcotic, in my life, but I talked to people that have and they all say the same thing, that they don’t want their kids doing it. Their actual exact words, more often than not, were, “Are you f*cking nuts!, Hell no”. So when making the decision on whether you want to legalize any narcotic outright, look at your kid and say “I’m going to f*ck up your life” that’s if you are voting yes. But that’s just my opinion.

-M. Lam-Paz