My girlfriend came over one day and saw me with a gash in my head and a black eye. She gasped and I told her you should see the other guy. She said does he look pretty bad. I just took a drink of wine, paused, gave this short laugh and then said, no, not even a scratch.
My Colombian girlfriend when I told her that maybe she should start wearing regular bikinis instead of a thong.
I get a call and some dude says “I’m going to knock the shit out of you”. I respond “you got the address, because I’m feeling constipated”
People don’t believe that COVID-19 exists because they can’t see it, they feel it’s a government conspiracy. I have a couple of questions for them. Do you believe the earth is flat? Do you open glass doors? Roll down windows? Do you believe in God? Do you believe in Dinosaurs? Do you believe people exist when you are not around to see them? Do you believe that a person landed on the moon? Do you believe that sun only exists during the day? Do you believe in oxygen, if you can’t see it? Is that what you say about your chlamydia? Finally, do you believe that’s your kid? Some things you just have to have faith in. Though this is a referendum on how much the people do mistrust governments.
Ever notice that kids are getting dumber as technology gets better. There they are, playing on their x-box, 23 years old, finishing their third year of high school and asking their mom where their pancakes are and why they are called pancakes, and when you try to tell them because they’re made on a pan, they say no they’re not, they’re made in the freezer inside a magic box that says Eggo. Put the box in the freezer and the next day you open the box and their they are.
Some woman told me that I was beneath contempt, so I looked in the dictionary and chose content, I also saw continent, I wonder if she was calling me fat?
This might be very controversial but my view on racism is that some people don’t like other people because of the amount of sunburn they can or can’t get. That’s what it boils down to. That is the only difference. I guess if we all could receive the same amount of sunburn, we would get along………… or find something else to hate each other for. This is meant to be humorous and to show how silly the concept of racism is. So oddly enough. it’s the Sun’s fault, racism. When that mother fucker blows up, racism will end.
Again, this is meant to be humorous and make you think. You know what comedians are, more effective philosophy teachers. Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Dave Chappelle, Chuck Lorre… The best Philosophy teachers of all time.
“I once joined a hate group, we hated stupid, there was a lot of infighting”
Manny original
7+ magnitude Earthquakes, super hurricanes, giant tornadoes, deadly viruses, mass protests, shop rite ran out of honey nut cheerios, it’s the end of times. Ah, found the cheerios, it’s all good.
Can’t believe we’re having this conversation again. Kneeling. I wonder if when these people go to church and the priest, pastor, rabbi’s, iman’s and all other religious leaders ask you to kneel before God, do you tell them “fuck you, I’m not disrespecting God” or do you just take a knee.
I’m of the belief that kneeling is not disrespectful but symbolic. Staying seated so you don’t spill your beer might be disrespectful, depends on the beer I guess. Budweiser you better stand up, Corona, you might get away with it.
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