An impulse control disorder is a condition in which a person has trouble controlling emotions or behaviors. Often, the behaviors violate the rights of others or conflict with societal norms and the law.

Signs and symptoms of impulse control
  • Engaging in risky or promiscuous behaviors and/or activities. (so no making love with your significant other in a car? Just missionary style and close your eyes when you goddamn do it!!!)
  • Stealing from family members, friends, or stores.
  • Starting fires. (So buy an electric stove)
  • Lying. (They always pick on politicians)
  • Hair pulling. (ooof, I knew it was a bad idea when she told me to do it)
  • Explosive violent outbursts against others or property of others. (All lawyers and stop kicking doors down)
  • Extreme defiance. (MLK, Ghandi, BLM movement, the pilgrims, Boston tea party…. doesn’t seem right)
  • Running away for no apparent reason. (All marathons must be cancelled and jogging is illegal, just buy a treadmill))

If I had a way of controlling all those symptoms with something like a magical phone or some magical waves that can control emotions I would send it through people’s eyes and feet and thumbs and then I could screw with them and then I would be the man.

Funny how those symptoms fit. If I could control their eyes, then I would make them look down and to the right, or was it left, to make them look like their lying. That’s what the experts used to say now they say that it’s no longer relevant. Wonder why?

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