There’s these people, and they go around from city to city asking you to make them the “Person” who makes decisions for you. They’re telling you that they can make decisions for you better than you can and to let them. And their first decision for you is to have you give them money so they can go to the next city and tell the other people the same thing. And they tell you that they are here for you, and that they are knowledgeable, trustworthy, and want the best for you, but they need your money to prove it, because they can’t otherwise. And when they get to that position they are going to reward you by making you pay extra for items, like food , clothes, cars, houses and they are going to give it an easy name, tax, but that it’s ok because they aren’t going to keep all that money, no, they are going to buy tanks and ships, and planes and guns. Lots and lots of guns and they are going to send you on vacation to a beach. A beach in the middle east where you are going to get to use  those tanks, ships, planes and lots and lots of guns. They are going to give that vacation an easy name as well, war. They can’t go on this vacation because they hate guns, they hate guns and want to ban them unless the people that make the guns gave them money so they could get to the position to make the decisions. And they don’t have time for vacation because they have to make these decisions. No, they don’t have the time because they have to make decisions, they have to make decisions like about where to put a library with their name on it because they made decisions. And you are going to love them for those decisions. You are going to love them because they sent you on vacation, and bought you these nice guns.

-M. Lam-Paz

An adaptation from George Carlin. Ode to George Carlin.