All warfare is based on deception. Knowing who you’re fighting is key to victory.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

Wilson Mizner

The guy that plays by the rules always loses to the guy that made them.

Manny original

Retirement is the only time you can look in the mirror at the boss.

Manny Original

When you are retired you go from employee to customer, then you are really fucked.

Manny original

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

To be elected President you must have two things, lots of chapstick and the best fake laugh.

Promises should be labeled “extremely fragile” upon delivery.

Manny original

Any fool can break a promise, that’s why they invented oaths. It takes a special kind of asshole to break an oath.

Manny original

“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”

Bigger isn’t always better said the small guy.

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.